The fact of the matter is, even if you were to give everyone $1000, turn water into wine and give free unicorn rides there would still be people who didn’t like you.
There would be those people who would resent you for having enough money to give everyone $1000. And the Lord knows there are people who are ready to crucify those who can turn water into wine. And if you can believe it, some people think unicorns aren’t real anyway and would be cynical about your generous offer.
So, based on all the empirical research I’ve done, there is nothing you can do that would make everyone like you. And with that little nugget, we can all breathe a sigh of relief.
Why? Because no matter what you do, what you say, how much you temper who you are, there are going to be people who hate your guts. Awesome, right??!! No? Well, let me put it this way:
You have nothing to lose by just being yourself but everything to gain.
When you are true to yourself you will attract others who like you for you; not that lukewarm, watered down version of “you” that you’re putting out there so others will like or accept you. You will expend way less energy trying to figure out “how you should be” and worrying about what others think; energy that can be used for good and not evil. You get to just BE. And that is freaking fantastic. Kinda like this:
Then that other person has the opportunity to decide for themselves if they like that or don’t. And let me be honest with you, you’re going to win some and lose some. But personally I’d rather win connections that appreciate my cheeky, sarcastic, line pushing side and be my genuine self than to win connections that think I’m someone I’m not and have to compromise my honesty, integrity and sense of self.
Why do I bring this up? Well it seems the universe really wants to solidify this concept for me as it has come up in various ways this last week. First, I heard through the grapevine that someone wasn’t keen on my last blog post; to that I say, “c’est la vie” and you probably shouldn’t call me for a mortgage. Second, Kari and I were having a conversation about why some of our contacts will choose to deal with one of us, almost exclusively, over the other. And to that I say, at least you’re talking to one of us.
Lastly, a friend of mine posted a beautiful status update on Facebook the other day in response to the meme question “I wonder if anyone ever looks at me and thinks ‘Wow. She’s beautiful’”. She very eloquently proves my point with her personal observation:
“On my first evening in Paris, earlier this year, I was walking along the Seine and I experienced my first French cat-call. What happened was that one man called out to me to essentially ‘come visit him.’ As my cheeks burned a little and I walked past, the man sitting next to him said (also in French): ‘Well she’s nothing special.’ Then the first guy explained to his friend that he liked the shape of my lips and chin. Weird. Anyway, the experience felt a bit cutting for a moment and then I suddenly felt incredibly free, because in that moment was the glaring and inescapable reality of the variation of preferences.
The attached poster reminded me of this experience. I see so many men and women all the time who, through my lens, are so beautiful and do not in many ways fit the beauty ‘standards’ of pop culture. Here’s a messy reality: Some people find a certain look attractive and others find that same look unattractive or are disinterested. There is nothing you can do, no recipe for a perfect appearance you can follow that will be liked or disliked by everyone. So to the person who wrote this, yes someone probably looks at you and thinks: Wow, she’s beautiful. And someone else probably looks at you and might think you’re ugly. That might or might not feel ok. But I have this hope that eventually it will feel just fine for everyone.”
So although at times it is going to sting, I will continue to put my authentic self out there, curse words and all. If my personality resonates with you; great, let’s be friends. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too. Either way, I wish you the courage to also put it all on the line.
Kerry Reid is a Licensed Mortgage Professional with Modern Mortgage Group, a franchise of Dominion Lending Centres, in Sooke, BC. She recently teamed up with Kari Stauble, also a Licensed Mortgage Professional with Modern Mortgage Group, to become the powerhouse team Kerry and Kari, Licensed Mortgage Professionals. Don’t worry. We’re on it. http://www.kkmortgages.com