I’m not good enough

This one insidious little lie, that most of us have bought into in some form or another, is so effective at annihilating one’s self esteem and eroding our sense of self that we are often stuck in success purgatory engulfed in the simultaneous fears of both failing and succeeding. Because, as we understand it, failing is bad so we shouldn’t fail. But succeeding can also seem bad, especially when others around you are failing.

So we unwittingly limit ourselves. To avoid failing, we don’t try. To avoid success, we don’t try. Same strategy but it can look very different depending upon the stakes.

Let’s take getting a mortgage for example. People want to own a home and get a mortgage (success) but their negative beliefs about themselves and their situation limit them (failing) so they are “stuck” renting (purgatory).

We’ll hear things like “Oh I really would like to own a home, but I know we wouldn’t qualify for a mortgage”. There is the move toward success in even broaching this with a mortgage broker but then a quick retreat by disqualifying themselves before we can even get started.

It took me a couple of conversations like these to realize the best answer to this statement is:

How do you know?

So simple, yet so profound! Because the fact is, most people don’t actually know. Most people are just ASSUMING that they can’t qualify. They’ve based this life limiting assumption on something they read somewhere, or something someone said once, or that so-and-so couldn’t get a mortgage so of course there’s no way they could get one… I’m sorry, but that is straight up ridiculous. That’s like saying, “Oh, I know how to perform botox; I saw them do it in a movie once”.

Life altering situation + irrelevant information = not being able to move (your muscles in your face).

So, if you ask yourself “How do I know I can’t qualify for a mortgage?” and your answer is anything other than “Because I talked to Kerry and Kari and they built a plan for me so I WILL qualify for a mortgage”, stop limiting yourself. Give us a call and find out for real.

Just so you don’t feel alone, here are some real life examples of clients who came to us with objections that simply were not an obstacle to them getting a mortgage. Enjoy!

Limiting belief: My credit is bad.
Bad is a relative term. I find what some people think is bad is actually pretty darn good by mortgage lender standards. And even if your credit is really in the dumps there are STILL lenders who will give you a mortgage. A client of ours was very reluctant to have us pull his credit report because he had some past credit challenges. When we did, he had a fantastic score (which he still felt was low) and we could easily place him with several different lenders and get him the very best rate.

Limiting belief: I don’t make enough money.
Well, that may be true if you have your eye on a Maserati, but until we’ve run your numbers you don’t know for sure. For example, a client of ours who owns his own business has a very good accountant and claims very little income in order to pay very little taxes. We were able to get him approved for a house and a condo… when his bank wouldn’t do it AND another mortgage broker said it couldn’t be done. But it could, and we did. BOOM.

Limiting belief: I’ve claimed bankruptcy but it hasn’t been seven years yet.
So what? I mean… not to worry. There are lenders who will look at your file just 6 months after being discharged. No need to wait seven years! A client of ours had been putting off home ownership for YEARS thinking it wasn’t possible but didn’t check with a broker to make sure. Now they are out looking at places and could be in a new home within months of our initial meeting.

Limiting belief: I don’t have enough of a down payment saved.
This is an interesting one. There can be many variations when people start quoting just how much they think they need to put down. Truth is, for your principal residence the minimum you need saved is zero and the minimum you need to put down is 5% of the purchase price. So how does that work? There are lenders who have programs that allow you to use borrowed funds for your down payment. We have a client who currently owns a home and they are looking to upgrade but it’s not a great time to sell. So after reviewing their situation with use, they decided not to sell and keep it as a rental investment instead. This leaves them with no money for a down payment, but they are able to qualify for an additional loan, which they can use for their down payment. Moving on up!

Limiting belief: I can’t afford the monthly mortgage payments.
If you pay rent, I’m pretty confident you can afford a mortgage payment. Generally speaking, for every $100k in house purchase price your monthly mortgage payment is $470.00. So if you’re paying $950 in rent you could probably swing a $200k purchase. A client of ours was told by another mortgage broker that in order to qualify they were going to have to sell their vehicles and make all these changes to reduce their monthly debts – which wasn’t true. That said, there is a difference between how much mortgage you can qualify for and what you are comfortable paying each month in terms of your financial budget and goals. One of our clients, a single gentleman, thought for sure he couldn’t afford a mortgage on his salary alone yet was paying upwards of $1200/month in rent. Wasn’t he surprised to find out that he could buy almost the exact same unit in his building and pay only slightly more a month!

Limiting belief: My bank denied me a mortgage and I’ve been with them for years so why would any other lender give me one?
Well, that’s because non-bank lenders are running a business based on mortgages and giving you a mortgage makes them money. Banks make their money in a variety of ways however, so your mortgage business may not be their priority. Plus they know that many people will remain loyal and come back to them when their financial situation improves. At this point the lending “risk” to the bank is lower and they can better protect their profit. So they often don’t bother going that extra inch to help an existing client. I have too many examples of this one-sided loyalty. So many that I think I will make it my next blog post.

Okay, okay. I could be at this all day. Bottom line is… unless you have talked to us you don’t know for sure that you DON’T qualify for a mortgage. And IF you don’t, we’re happy to help you make a plan so if becomes a when you can qualify.

Feel free to post in the comments any other ridiculous limiting beliefs and I would be happy to rebut them for you!

Kerry Reid is a Licensed Mortgage Professional with Modern Mortgage Group, a franchise of Dominion Lending Centres, in Sooke, BC. She recently teamed up with Kari Stauble, also a Licensed Mortgage Professional with Modern Mortgage Group, to become the powerhouse team Kerry and Kari, Licensed Mortgage Professionals. Don’t worry. We’re on it. http://www.kkmortgages.com

Do this one thing and everyone will like you.

The fact of the matter is, even if you were to give everyone $1000, turn water into wine and give free unicorn rides there would still be people who didn’t like you.

There would be those people who would resent you for having enough money to give everyone $1000. And the Lord knows there are people who are ready to crucify those who can turn water into wine. And if you can believe it, some people think unicorns aren’t real anyway and would be cynical about your generous offer.

So, based on all the empirical research I’ve done, there is nothing you can do that would make everyone like you. And with that little nugget, we can all breathe a sigh of relief.

Why? Because no matter what you do, what you say, how much you temper who you are, there are going to be people who hate your guts. Awesome, right??!! No? Well, let me put it this way:

You have nothing to lose by just being yourself but everything to gain.

When you are true to yourself you will attract others who like you for you; not that lukewarm, watered down version of “you” that you’re putting out there so others will like or accept you. You will expend way less energy trying to figure out “how you should be” and worrying about what others think; energy that can be used for good and not evil. You get to just BE. And that is freaking fantastic. Kinda like this:

Then that other person has the opportunity to decide for themselves if they like that or don’t. And let me be honest with you, you’re going to win some and lose some. But personally I’d rather win connections that appreciate my cheeky, sarcastic, line pushing side and be my genuine self than to win connections that think I’m someone I’m not and have to compromise my honesty, integrity and sense of self.

Why do I bring this up? Well it seems the universe really wants to solidify this concept for me as it has come up in various ways this last week. First, I heard through the grapevine that someone wasn’t keen on my last blog post; to that I say, “c’est la vie” and you probably shouldn’t call me for a mortgage. Second, Kari and I were having a conversation about why some of our contacts will choose to deal with one of us, almost exclusively, over the other. And to that I say, at least you’re talking to one of us.

Lastly, a friend of mine posted a beautiful status update on Facebook the other day in response to the meme question “I wonder if anyone ever looks at me and thinks ‘Wow. She’s beautiful’”. She very eloquently proves my point with her personal observation:

“On my first evening in Paris, earlier this year, I was walking along the Seine and I experienced my first French cat-call. What happened was that one man called out to me to essentially ‘come visit him.’ As my cheeks burned a little and I walked past, the man sitting next to him said (also in French): ‘Well she’s nothing special.’ Then the first guy explained to his friend that he liked the shape of my lips and chin. Weird. Anyway, the experience felt a bit cutting for a moment and then I suddenly felt incredibly free, because in that moment was the glaring and inescapable reality of the variation of preferences.

The attached poster reminded me of this experience. I see so many men and women all the time who, through my lens, are so beautiful and do not in many ways fit the beauty ‘standards’ of pop culture. Here’s a messy reality: Some people find a certain look attractive and others find that same look unattractive or are disinterested. There is nothing you can do, no recipe for a perfect appearance you can follow that will be liked or disliked by everyone. So to the person who wrote this, yes someone probably looks at you and thinks: Wow, she’s beautiful. And someone else probably looks at you and might think you’re ugly. That might or might not feel ok. But I have this hope that eventually it will feel just fine for everyone.”

So although at times it is going to sting, I will continue to put my authentic self out there, curse words and all. If my personality resonates with you; great, let’s be friends. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too. Either way, I wish you the courage to also put it all on the line.

 

Kerry Reid is a Licensed Mortgage Professional with Modern Mortgage Group, a franchise of Dominion Lending Centres, in Sooke, BC. She recently teamed up with Kari Stauble, also a Licensed Mortgage Professional with Modern Mortgage Group, to become the powerhouse team Kerry and Kari, Licensed Mortgage Professionals. Don’t worry. We’re on it. http://www.kkmortgages.com